2. The Unrequited love poem: How do you feel when you love someone who does not love you back?
Unrequited love makes you feel ugly. It makes you feel like you’re in high school again, spotty and dumpy, laughing nervously, getting everything wrong. A nerd. All your carefully built self-esteem can be tumbled so fast because they didn’t notice you. In fact, notice isn’t the right word. They don’t see you. They don’t see your heart beating faster, your hands twisting in your hair, your quick smile. And of course you don’t want them to notice these things (because that would be mortifying) and yet you do at the same time,because maybe, just maybe, they feel the same way.
This is why unrequited love is so hard to get over – the lines between fantasy and reality become so blurred that they could tell you straight to your face that they have no interest in you, and yet you will still convince yourself that they do, actually, like you – they are just hiding their true feelings, they have to push you away…
This is, I suppose, more of an unrequited crush than unrequited love. To truly love someone, with all your heart, and not have them love you back is an ache that is terrifying to think about. I’m also not sure if I’ve experienced it. It was certainly an infatuation, but was it love…? I still don’t know. But I certainly felt that my heart had been broken. Truly severed in two. I had been so mentally and emotionally involved with the idea of this relationship that I broke down – not like a nervous breakdown, but more like a machine that has had its batteries taken out. It was just so earth-shattering, after months of an internal tug-of-war, to know for certain that this relationship was not going to happen. I honestly didn’t know what to do with myself.
It feels strange to talk about this now, because it was such a long time ago. It always feels like a betrayal to my boyfriend to admit I felt this strongly about someone else once. But I did. But I also got over it. It took me a while, but I did. And I’m grateful for the whole experience, for so many reasons. But I’m also glad it’s over.
(Featured image from pixabay)
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