25. Dread: Write about doing something you don’t want to do.
I dread confrontation. And by confrontation I mean I have a strict list of things I think other people expect of me, and if I have to ask them something that I feel goes against these expectations, then I dread it, and more often than not I will convince myself to carry on without it.
Unfortunately the first thing on the list is to not need ANYTHING. Ever. So obviously this turns lots of situations into confrontational ones for me. I think that people expect me to be very small, to just keep my head down and get on with things. So whenever I have to ask for something, or need something, I absolutely dread it. For example, in my old shitty job at H&M I came in on a day when I was ill, really ill. And I realised I was too ill to work, but rather than tell them this I just said I’m really ill and hoped they’d send me home themselves. I had the worst day ever.
I still find it hard to push out of my box, outside of the boundaries I’ve made for myself. But I think I’m getting better. No, I know I am.