Today is an awesome day because I have now done FIFTY of my writing challenges! I’m so proud of myself for getting this far. And I got a notification yesterday saying that I now have a total 1000 likes! Thank you all for following and liking I love you all 😀
Argument: Life is short. You have to do everything you can, snatch every opportunity, write, go out, go to poetry events, make every second count.
Counter-argument: Part of my anxiety is not being able to relax, thinking that everything I do is not good enough and I need to do everything, and I need to do it now. I’m doing really well at the moment being easy on myself and relaxing more so shut up.
Five minute later
Argument: Life is short, you have to do everything you can…
This is the status of my brain at the moment.
I think I need to see my therapist again. I just feel so unhappy all the time. Good things happen like getting to do my masters and leaving my shit job for a job that seems like it will be better but they don’t really make any difference long term. I just go back to feeling bad or my mind just jumps to the next thing to worry about. Like today I handed in my notice to work which is something I’ve fantasised about doing for MONTHS, and I didn’t feel relieved or happy, my mind just immediately jumped to oh god I’ve got to organise a leaving do and oh god when to do it because my manager is leaving at the same time and I don’t know when she’s doing hers. And instead of feeling excited about my new job I just feel worried because I haven’t told them I’m starting my masters in September and I feel like they’ve employed me under false pretences and I keep worrying about it. I’m terrified of being told off by people and I’m worrying about being told off by someone I don’t even work for yet months from now. AND I’m worried because I got new contact lenses and I tested them for 2 weeks and it was fine but now they’re not and I’ve had so many issues with them in the past I’m worried they’ll think I’m lying/attention – seeking…again worried I’ll be shouted at.
Sorry I’ve missed the last two days of the writing challenge – things have been very busy! I’ve been accepted to do a Masters at Manchester University which is AMAZING, I’m so happy! I also have two job interviews lined up for this week so fingers crossed! I will have Day 17 ready for you tonight!
(Image from CareerCapitalist)
Do, do, do, do, do, all the time. Why can’t I ever just be?
Sadness can be beautiful too.
Today at work one of the women told one of the men that “if all men were like him then the world would be a better place”. This annoyed me for many reasons. The guy in question is just a nice guy. As far as I know he hasn’t pulled anyone out of a burning building, he hasn’t found or a cure for cancer or brought peace to the Middle East. Hes just nice. He always says hello to everyone and is friendly. And yet all men should “be like him”. Which implies that most men aren’t. Apparently they’re incapable of being friendly to people. It’s not the friendliness of course – it’s the implication. The implication that because he’s friendly, he must be a good, kind, caring man. Because a good man is hard to find, they’re like bloody buses, if you find a good one you should hang on to him, etc, etc, etc…
Why do we do this to ourselves? It’s just so boring. Men like football, going to the pub and treat women like crap. Women worry about how they look and ask if their bum looks big in this. They also nag the men about how they’re treated, but mostly accept it, exchanging a knowing glance with their friends. Accepting their fate.
Is this all there is for interaction between the sexes? I like to think not. Why are we pigeon-holing ourselves? Putting ourselves into boxes? The film Entourage was slated by critics and fans this year, for its portrayal of men as sexist, shallow and only wanting artificial things. Like sex with no commitment and money. Tge film was criticises by women, but also by men – men who were sick of being portrayed this way.
Gender stereotyping doesn’t just happen to women. And of course, I haven’t even touched on transgender or gender neutral people. There are stereotypes for them too. Hopefully we can all stop being scared to find out about the person behind the stereotype.
I hope my friends at work don’t realise that they’re my only friends.
Thank you for knowing me better than I know myself.
Thank you for letting me be needy.
Thank you for being endlessly patient.
Thank you for making me see the world in a better and different way.
Thank you for making me laugh so much it hurts.
Thank you for always challenging me.
Thank you for being you.
Thank you for a wonderful year.
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